I like your ass. Call me.

I just had the most fun wasting time I could possibly imagine! Yes, my flatmates and I just watched Showgirls, aka, The Least Erotic Movie of All Time.

To pick out one's favourite moment from such a visual and audible feast is difficult. The infamous shagging scene between Elizabeth Berkley's character and Kyle McLachlan's in the pool resplendent with water sprouting dolphins and neon palm trees in the background is a sight to be seen. The Crystal is poured and Liz rides Kyle like a swordfish frantically flopping about after having been swung onboard the deck of the HMS Cheesefactor. Then there's the constant state of shout, pout and emote. The endless display of tits that I imagine would eventually bore even the greatest soft porn fan. Said floppy fish taking sloppy overdramatised mouthfuls of her burger like the savage introduced to this curious modernity for the first time. Non-ironically delivered lines like the one offered by her former strip club employer who visits her as a chorus girl. Upon congratulating her on a job well done remarks: 'It must be weird not to have anyone cum on you afterwards, huh?'

This from the genius who penned such classics as Fatal Attraction and Basic Instinct. Hard to believe, I know.

But by far, thee best line of the film has to be when she's gyrating on The Black Guy Who's Keepin' It Real, who for some unexplicable reason gives a crap about her. Anyhow, the point is, she's writhing, they're fondling and snogging, he tries to move his hand Down Under and she stops him, letting him know she's on her period. He doesn't believe her and she pushes his hand where the proof lies and then as she's leaving his flat, he yells after her: 'It's cool, I've got towels!'

An element of cinematic realism with the introduction of the most unmentionable of all narrative subject matter? My vote is for unintentional camp humour all the way!

When you dance, you burn.