My Best of 2004

Kate’s Best of 2004
aka The Year That Might Have Been (had I gotten out more)


BEST LIVE SHOW
First of all, I don’t think I even saw 10 bands in 2004. Feeble. The truth is that I may actually have seen a lot of bands, but most were at 3am at a squat party or worst, at 4pm in the driving rain in Trafalger Square at a rally against Bush and the war. But truth be told, crusty Euro activist bands suck. In fact, I think they suck so much I could almost yearn for the halcyon days of the LA post march ‘all-star’ bands featuring Slash, Zack de la Rocha and Jackson Browne. At least I could openly mock and not feel bad.

So as not feel totally excluded from a category I would otherwise enjoy contributing to, I’ll just say I (heart) Sunset Junction. Once again, the geezers rocked! The Donna’s were fine. Girls kick ass and wanna get laid too, yeah yeah we know. But X stole the weekend and rocked my world! Then, now and always. Such a good live show my perma-grin started to hurt.

May Joanie’s list serve as my inspiration in this new year.

BEST MUSIC NEW-TO-ME LISTENED TO IN 2004

Rhino Records Left of the Dial (1980’s not new wave)
and No Thanks (1970’s punk rock) compilations
My brothers are in their early twenties and I downloaded loads of the tracks and forced them to listen and learn! The only problem was that Seth and I couldn’t stop singing Lust for Life. Maybe not the most family friendly of yule log lyrics, though a catchy tune for sure. Merry Christmas:

Here comes johnny yen again
With the liquor and drugs
And the flesh machine
He’s gonna do another strip tease.
Hey man, where’d ya get that lotion?

And Left of the Dial - woah. Best eighties compilation.

Polyphonic Spree
Ooh, this CD makes me happy. A great anecdote to the wintry blues. To Joanie’s point about the Volkswagon ad soundtrack, I don’t disagree (and same comment can easily be said of Greyboy - see below) but in the UK, it’s the Groove Armada’s ‘Shakin That Ass’ ad for Renault that dominates the dodgy music for dodgy cars hipster trend.

Animal Collective
I really like their new CD. More amazing pop mixed in with their crazy sound experiments, which was all the last record was. Shall I use the ‘B’ word? Brilliant!

Tilly and the Wall
Pretty. And Sweet. In that folksy lo fi kinda way I enjoy.

Ladybug Transistor
Happy pop! I know last year I said I was going to rock more, but at least my head is bouncing more rather then hanging low. (record out late 2003)

Fruit Bats
I know, I know, more 2003. But like I said, it’s been a belated year for me, musically speaking. And it’s very pretty music in that (see Tilly and the Wall descriptor kinda way).

Greyboy
Very hip packaging this CD comes in, but I like to listen to it despite myself. Jazzy electronica lite. But you don’t have to fake a late night KCRW low-toned throaty affectation to enjoy. Ditto the ‘edgier’ Zero 7. Without Karen, would I have listened to anything new without guitars in 04??

Special Mention to Sexy Death Soda cos they kinda remind me of songs Ted wrote six years ago. And Pretty Girls Make Graves as my final addition to the Missed Them When the First came Out in 03 Category.

Special mention also goes whole-heartedly to Franz Ferdinand. I may never buy their record new, but am so happy to see that a) pop rock isn’t dead and that the era of Limp Biscuit is; b) Brit rock matters again; and c) Scottish pop music no longer has to be defined by The Proclaimers, god bless em’. Can I also mention that Alex Kapranos of Franz Ferdinand just gave the Edinburgh Lecture, the yearly talk once given by the likes of Mikhail Gorbachev and Stephen Hawking. Damon Alburn never got to do that. And Noel Gallagher looked like a ponce sipping Chardonnay with Tony Blair. But oh, if only Blair had stuck with Cool Britannia instead of Imperial America, how different the world might look today!

So what did I busy myself with this past year? Um, er, I watched a lot of telly. And saw a few films. So it is alas the visual medium where my list shall flourish. And it’s where I get to be embarrassingly self-referential in my Brit-o-centrism.

BEST BRITISH TELY (aka, the Wish You Were Here category)

Desperate Housewives
Anyone who says it’s like Sex and the City is wrong and should be banished to TV crit purgatory. It is not. The women are not really friends (ergo the entire premise of SATC), we are not secretly meant to wish our lives were so fabulous like theirs, and you don’t see the slutty one’s tits every other episode. In fact, where has Nicolette Sheridon gone?

The OC
My flatmate and I began setting our schedules to be at home at 1:30pm on Sundays. Woah.

The Sopranos
Yeah well, it’s like saying you like the new Tom Waits record. It may not be the best he’s done, but it’s still good.

Yes, three down, and all American so far. It’s true. Why come to Britain at all you ask?

BBC 2’s airing of Jerry Springer the Opera
In the US, Christians get crazy at the sight of a nipple during a sporting event resplendent with cheerleaders and beer ads. Here, they have some real content to wrap their biblical wrath around. This newspaper excerpt explains better:

'The Musical contains "strong" language and despite the complaints from religious followers, the "Opera" is not really attacking religion itself. However, it does portray Jesus in a nappy admitting he is "a bit gay"...Still, the producers of Springer remain defiant. They have even offered £10 tickets to those of the Christian faith to see the show at the Cambridge Theatre and see the offending scenes in context. To qualify for the discount, theatregoers must present a copy of the New Testament at the box office.'

Basically, the first half of the show is a Springer episode in operatic form. Lots of sexual deviants and unfaithful partners, and the chorus sings about lesbians, skanks and fucking whores. The second half goes to hell (literally!) when Jerry Springer (played by David Soul!) is sent to Hades and his only means of escape is to help Satan win an apology from Jesus. Adam and Eve are an abusive white trash couple from the first part and not only is Jesus a fat black man in a diaper, but Mary’s finest moment is when she yells at him to stop complaining so much about his crucifixion. In fact, everyone goes off Jesus for being such a whiner.

Prime-time telly just after Christmas. God bless us all!

Cocaine
Amazing three-part series on the dangers and inner-workings of the cocaine industry as told by actual South Americans. Imagine a programme on coke that isn’t focussed solely on the US or written by Bret Easton Ellis. And it was prime time in Spanish with subtitles.

The Power of Nightmares
Another stellar performance by the crack (no pun intended) current affairs programmers in the UK. Another example of how smart people who aren’t burdened with trying to sway voters can make much more compelling pieces about the power of fear in American society then Michael Moore.

Fewer documentaries on Hitler then any year prior!
Perhaps it’s due to the growth of the cable industry and they are all on the History Channel or BBC 16 or whatever. Or maybe lifestyle telly sells more Mini Coopers. Or maybe, they are just saving them all for next year when the World Cup is in Germany. Don’t think I’m joking about that last one.

Shameless
An evening soap whose style starts where the infamous Joan Collins / Linda Evans pool fight left off. I don’t go out of my way for this one, but happy to have it keep me company during tea.

Teachers
This year, one of the drunken teachers shags a student who dumps her cos she’s getting in the way of his studies. And during the school’s annual gay pride week, the female principal is obsessed with trying to sort out what exactly lesbians do in bed together.

Monkey Dust
Animated crass tomfoolery of a current affairs and pop cultural nature. Gets it spot on more often then not.

Euro Cup 2004
As watched from a carport in Los Angeles. See for yourself why the US may win an international football title before the English do! (and, no the CONCACAF title doesn’t count. A country as large as the US beats Honduras…ya don’t say? If only England had to play Malta for a title!)

Little Britain
Closest thing to Kid’s in the Hall genius recent British comedy has. If Scott Thompson’s catch phrase was: ‘I’m the only gay in the village!’

The Office
For anyone who’s ever worked in a cubicle. Don’t trust the American remake. Rent this first.

Ricky Gervais Live
Of The Office fame. Imagine the office manager giving a talk on sexuality in the animal kingdom and reading from the Book of Genesis.

Car Booty
More embarrassing revelations - I remain addicted to lifestyle TV. There’s the annoying property shows that make me angry - shows like Property Ladder or Under the Hammer. Oooh, watch the newly minted yuppies winge over whether or not they have the creativity to paint a bathroom in a flat they want to spend 450,000 quid on. No, those are tedious. And they are plentiful. There’s also the equally annoying but somehow tolerable A Place In The Sun. Ignorant British couples fancy a tan and move to Spain to find an entire nation doesn’t give a toss about yet another couple of pasty, pint drinking, sheppard’s pie eating English fools who show no interest in learning Spanish and seem to have done no research before they buy. Like the couple who spent loads of money to open a petting zoo to make some cash while they waited 8 months for building permits they didn’t know they needed only to find out they are 2 miles away from a lovely – and free – public zoo. True story.

But I digress. My favourite is still the buy-old-crap-to-resell shows (some call them ‘antiques’). Last year, it was Cash in the Atttic atop my list. This year, it’s Car Booty. Really, it’s in the name. But imagine a show where you get money to go to, say, the PCC swap meet to buy crap and then the next week show up at the Rose Bowl swap meet to see if you can turn a profit by selling said crap. And did I mention it’s called ‘Car Booty’?

I’m A Celebrity get Me Out of Here
I know. Back from last year. Only 2004’s featured the editor of a proper broadsheet newspaper (Janet Street Porter from The Independent) and Princess Diana’s former butler Paul Burrell. Do you remember him? He was one of her closest confidants, then he nicked a bunch of her stuff after she died and sold his story to cash in on the wrath of a Diana-loving nation. He shrieked like a young Drew Barrymore in ET whence faced with his fear of snakes. And cried when he made it to the final. He didn’t win. But boy did he want to wear that crown!

BEST FILMS
I dunno. I saw a bunch of them. The ones I saw in the theatre were all pretty good, except for Troy but mainly because nobody who knows anything about Greek mythology is going to be able to suspend belief when the hot femmie young blonde thang knocking about with Achilles is his ‘cousin.’ That, and it was a crap film. The ones I saw on airplanes were not so good. And I saw a lot of videos.

Here are my favourite films of the last year:

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
Bill Murray as Bill Murray! Willem Dafoe as comic sidekick! David Bowie in Portuguese! Sea Creatures! Wes Anderson continues to make great films!

G.O.R.A.
Turkish spoof on all things sci fi. If Spaceballs had been really funny and featured an Eastern European wise guy carpet salesman as the hero.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Who knew I could tolerate Jim Carey in a film AND really rate it?

Motorcycle Diaries
Not the best film ever but who didn’t want to travel around South America after that?
And so nice to see images of Che Guevara not silkscreened on a t-shirt.

The Year of the Lefty Documentary
Very happy to see them all out there but couldn’t manage to see more then half in the actual theatre. Some more fun to talk about then actually watch (Super Size Me, Outfoxed). The one I found the smartest and best researched was The Corporation (leave it to the Canadians!). It would have been near-perfect were it not over 2 hours long.

Films that probably would have made the list had I seen them:
Vera Drake
Maria Full of Grace
A Very Long Engagement
Los Angeles Plays Itself
The Aviator (was vetoed from seeing it Friday by a friend due to the Leonardo diFactor. I guess I have a Scorsese Exemption on him in films)
That Metallica documentary. Ooo do I want to piss on them!


WORST FILM TO RECEIVE CRITICAL ACCLAIM…EVER!

Sideways
Proof that inside every white male film critic (ie most film critics, yes?) is an unattractive middle aged guy just itching to shag a hot younger Asian woman. This film makes me angry. Award for Worst Ugly Man to Beautiful Woman Ratio in a film. Tops even Indecent Proposal, Pretty Woman or anything with Michael Douglas. Starts to explain why the gawd-awful Shallow Hal was even conceived. Yuck! Just cos it’s a romantic comedy that actually centres around annoying men instead of annoying women DOES NOT MAKE IT GOOD. And may I never EVER come across a motif as over-wrought as the wine crapola and all the creepily yuppie tourist marketing sponsored by Gallo (!) that has ensued. For men nostalgic of The Big Chill to give meaning to their midlife crisis. Can’t they just go buy a Porsche? Nice landscapes of the Santa Inez Valley though.


BEST ROYAL GAFFE (EARLY ENTRY FOR 2005)

Prince Harry's Dressed as the Wannabe Nazi.
At a fancy dress party whose theme was ‘Colonials and Natives,’ let’s not forget. Anyone up for a game of 'Slaves and Masters'? I trust this photo made the rounds of the American press.

It's the kind of story everyone loves because it exposes the royal family as the thickies they actually are! And really, he's just following in his great grandfather's goosestepping footsteps, after all.

Curious how 2003 rated? Link to past best of's among a group of people with clearly too much work to do like me. Here, we inflict our own form of symbolic violence via our far superior taste in pop culture.